Grieving Alcoholism in Life and Death
Unfinished business is not good for anyone. From what I have witnessed over the years, unfinished business comes from the human heart having hope; hope that it will resolve itself, hope that it will go away, hope that one day the other person or persons will figure it out and life can be better. With adult children of alcoholics, sometimes so much goes left unsaid. The grieving process becomes a constant thorn in the side of not being able to say what you needed to say or hear what you needed to hear.
There is a secret in all of this, but until the ego decides to FINALLY let go for either person there can be no finished business. I will get to the secret in a minute but first if you’re reading this and you’re angry, whether the person is still here or not you must check in with your ego. The ego’s purpose is to protect. It pipes up when it starts to feel threatened, it insists on a right and wrong way to do things. The ego is not divine in its nature so one has to become friends with the ego as it can become the insistent wounded child. Either way sometimes the ego needs a little talking to by spirit that goes something like this: “Hey, you’re kind getting in the way of me trying to heal my relationship with dad. God’s got this not you. I need to listen to God right now. I know your just trying to protect me but it is best if you stay in the background on this one.” God gave us ego for a reason, (one I am not so sure of) someone and I don’t know who, gave an acronym for Ego which is, Edging God Out. True?
Unfinished business especially with aging parents, and histories of alcoholism that never get resolved are a recipe for disaster. Your parents are going to die soon, and if actively dying right now know this: you are now the adult and they are the child. Simply said one has to see this from a “higher” place if there is going to be any healing for parent and child. It’s over; the mom, dad or childhood you thought you were going to have is not going to happen. Plus, the expectation of what you want from them before they die is exactly that and expectation that you have in your head? Forget about it. You will suffer more after death than you did while they were alive. I have witnessed this and helped clients forgive and move on with the pain that they carry of unfinished business with parents who never acknowledged it before their deaths.
Here is the secret and a tool you can start using but please note: this may be a brand new tool that you have never even heard of so have faith, go slow and read on. I want you to imagine that you can to start the wave of energy and love that you need to heal this. Think of your loved one near death. You’re sitting by the bedside, feelings are perhaps intense, you have so much inside of you, waiting to hear those words, yet it may not come in this moment as you expected. Hold your loved ones hand and if you can stroke their hair or touch their head, allow yourself to open and understand this is holy moment and you are on sacred ground. If eyes are open make that contact and if not say it anyway, “I forgive you, and I love you” (Hearing is the last thing to go when a person is dying). The secret is that you just set yourself free with those 3 words and it helps your loved one too, on both sides of the veil.
As time passes and you move through your grief, maybe 6 months later maybe sooner, you will be so glad you said what you said. I promise you it will change your life. If your loved one is not at deaths door, start the energy of this now and start the feelings of this as it’s not going to change; it’s over. Accept the childhood you had and get on with your life. I don’t mean that harshly at all, I have seen people suffer for YEARS because of their childhoods. When you send the energy out that you’re done, things happen, it’s a great big fat YES to God. Death is like closing a chapter in a book, your book, of your life with your parents and the lessons learned. Can you imagine a book sitting on your nightstand for years and years that you’re going to get to someday? Finish the book, that last chapter especially, then put it on the shelf and allow peace to enter your heart.